Tuesday, July 2, 2013

October 31, 2011

Holding Rossi tonight...tears started streaming.  I've never seen anything more beautiful.  I've never loved like this.  But tonight, it was kind of a sad, but grateful-I-have-her cry. 

I thought about her actual birth day.  I sure hope she got a pink balloon.  Did her birth mother hold her, or was it too painful?  Was she passed to a sweet nurse who placed her in room with other babies.  Visitors?  I know Ray of Hope and HOGL are about as wonderful as you can get and were prepared for her arrival.  I'm so thankful her birth mother chose life, connected to RofH and HOGL.  What if she hadn't?  What could have happened?  Where could she have ended up?  God has been all through me tonight.  I've thanked him over and over.  He put us together.  We were matched when she was 8 days old.  But God matched us from the beginning.  I just hope she was celebrated.  Even more, I hope she was hugged, patted, and kissed.  Touch is so important in life.

Then I thought? Tara, you don't remember your actual birth day.  You remember mom saying you cut your eyes at her and she was like..."You look just like your dad!"  You've heard mom say nurses wouldn't let dad in to see you because he came straight from the underground mines.  All you could see were his eyes.  He had to sterilize up.  I don't remember balloons, flowers for mom, or visitors.  I would bet big they were all there.  So, did my actual birthday extras change my life?  No.  I can guarantee I was touched, kissed, nuzzled, and told I was loved.  I sure hope Rossi had that, too.

I wish I could have breast fed her.  I wish I had nourished her in my womb.  Sometimes these "wants" really jolt me. 

But...
Reading with her.
Snuggling her.
Praying for her.
Kissing her.
Singing to her.
Praying with her.
Picking her up when she falls.
Giggling with her.
Nuzzling her when I can tell she needs her momma's touch.
Correcting her.
Teaching her.
Playing with her.
Bathing her.
Loving her so much I'd die for her.

These are the things she will remember.  Yes!  They are what count!